My journey started in March 2007 when I started to feel very ill. This, I now know, was due to seroconversion taking place. This is the period during which the body starts producing detectable levels of HIV antibodies which can give you flu-like symptoms.
I went to my GP and fell asleep whilst talking to him. He tested me for chronic fatigue syndrome. Of course, those tests returned negative and by about May I began to feel slightly better but still not right. In October of that year I visited the sexual health clinic and was tested for HIV, as I had reason to believe that I may have been infected back in February.
I don’t remember how long it was between being tested and being told that I had tested positive. I do remember phoning my best friend with the news and her coming down and taking me to the cinema.
I had to visit the clinic for support and advice, although I didn’t go onto medication straight away. I can’t really remember exactly when I went on the medication but have a feeling it was the following summer. The reason I don’t remember these dates is because I don’t spend 24/7 thinking about HIV. It certainly doesn’t define me.
I have told some of my family but not all of them. The ones I have told have been very supportive. I told one very close family member 4 years after my diagnosis. The reason I left it so long was because he lives 300 miles away and I didn’t want to worry him. He went absolutely ballistic that I had not told him sooner and has not spoken to me since. He didn’t once ask how I was feeling, just made it all about himself.
I have told some of my friends but not all of them. They have all been very supportive. Although one so called friend burst into tears and then told me she didn’t want anything else to do with me, she treated me as if I had leprosy.
I can do without bigots like that in my life anyway so they have done me a favour at the end of the day.
When I told my son he was, understandably, upset at first but once he got his head round it he was and still is very supportive, if a little overprotective!
I can honestly say that I have never shed any tears about my diagnosis. I just get on with my life and forget about it, until I have to take my medication, which I religiously do at the same time every night.
I have been very fortunate to meet and marry a wonderful, caring man. I told him about my status on our second date and, although he felt sad for me, he was not in the least bit phased by it and we work on a ‘U=U basis!’ When a person has an undetectable viral load, their chance of passing on HIV to a sexual partner is zero. As the campaign slogan puts it, ‘Undetectable equals Untransmittable’ or ‘U=U’. We have a fantastic life together and even being locked in together during Covid we get on great.
I keep as healthy as possible by watching what I eat and getting plenty of exercise. I drink lots of water to water down the medication.
I have to say that everyone at The Gate Clinic is wonderful and I feel that I am treated like royalty. I actually think of them as my friends and look forward to going into clinic (in normal times) even though they stick needles in me!
I have recently become a mentor to another patient. He says that I have helped him a lot as, before talking to and meeting me, he was feeling rather desperate. I also belong to a support group for people with HIV. Sadly we can only meet online at the moment but at our monthly meetings we talk about anything which is concerning us or just have a light hearted chat.
Thank you for reading about my HIV journey. I hope that it brings inspiration to some people who may be feeling desperate because of their diagnosis.
Talking together is a friendly group, set up and run by people with HIV.
This is a confidential group and very welcoming to new members.
Get advice and support if you need it.
Ask your KCHFT nurse or doctor for more information or contact sexualhealthservice@nhs.net / 01227 864014 (east Kent)